this is my world and my life, no one understands..

zombie

2008-12-11T04:13:00.003+08:00

Have you ever live a life as a zombie?
Because right now, it really feels as though life has lost its colour
Everything that i'm doing right now, lack the purpose and determination in doing so
i find there is nothing worth fighting for
sooner or later, i will just end up as a folding table
who will appear only there is food, and hiding in my room all other time

life is short, it is better to live to the fullest
but can you see things from the bright side?
it is harder than you think
many people misunderstand seeing things from the bright side with avoiding the problem
it really takes great skill for that particular someone to accept what he have
and be seriously happy with what he has
most or everyone is born greedy
when we have it, we want more and doesn't cherish what we had
till the day we actually lose it than we would find out its importance

so am i to share this loneliness and thoughts?
you can't be there for me 24/7, so don't say you can
where is that happy go lucky side of me
has it disappear for good?
because all i see right now are black and white
where has all the other colours gone?
i want my rainbow, with aeroplanes flying there for me to catch

life continues...
i should too...

一人晚餐

2008-11-27T02:17:00.000+08:00

就算一人晚餐一人望海我會習慣　
兩人坐家中沒旁人我懂欣賞孤與單
就算深宵失眠寂寞瀰漫有些冰冷　
尋到心中所愛　
從未多心想再揀＊

就算一人上班一人候車偶爾自嘆　
我仍學會假日陪同友好傾通宵買衫
就算相戀艱難日夜緩慢世間很冷　
回憶不敢偷懶　
留守到尾不見從不散

yawns!

2008-11-22T10:01:00.003+08:00

just came back from Dom house. Was having a good talk with him for the whole night. Probably drinking session. :)

I gonna have to do this all alone.
I gonna do it for myself.
I gonna go on and try another time.
I gonna go my own way.

/edit
just woke up and ate my dinner
i'm feeling a little ewww.......
surprising because i thought i did not drink much
anyway, not that i dont care about myself but really thats the only way i could find that little bit of happiness that has been missing in my life.
now, i have woken up, back into reality again, and it sure sucks.

i still got lots of things to share, but to whom?
everyone seems different, everyone is a stranger

SOMETIMES...
We must be hurt in order to grow,
We must fail in order to know,
We must lose in order to gain,
Some Lessons are learned best only through pain.
SOMETIMES...
Our vision clears only after our eyes are washed with tears,
We have to be broken so we can be tender,
We are sick so we can rest and think better on things more important than work or fun
We are taken for trip near death so we can assess how we've run.

But then.....
If there is.....
Will he......

the difficulty

2008-11-20T17:33:00.004+08:00

ok haven't been feeling so good recently. Haven't really felt happiness since that day came. But then, now I feel really terrible. Not only I'm quitting this, and I'm quitting this all by myself. It is really very tough doing so. It has been like a habit, for like 1year 8months? I definitely can do this, but temptations have been flying all around me. It's difficult, but I try.

But how long can I last? I really don't know. Actually Im not going to stop for good. I just wanna prove to everyone, including myself, that I am able to do anything I want. And I mean it. By then when my birthday comes, it will be around two weeks, I think this should be long enough to prove everyone wrong.

Went out with Sheryl for dinner ytd. Had those normal chats with her, at least it could take my mind off things. Gonna meet my Godpa later. Another few hours to occupy myself with. See ya.

The revival of a blog

2008-11-14T05:03:00.004+08:00

I've been gone for months and finally return to blogging about my life. I just lose someone that is so important in my life and can find no one that i can just rant out my trouble. Anyway, no comments needed for my blog post.

Just completed my EIR work at 5.06am in the morning of a friday / 14-11-08 and i find myself really lost and alone. These few days have really strike me hard and I really thought that i was going to lose my mind. I guess all that smoking and drinking really clouded my senses and i got to stop it right now. My birthday is coming soon and i really think that there will not be any celebration.

It is really ironic, i waited so long for this day and really dreamt about what's going to happen. It just have to stop one day before. I really regretted not cherishing what i have and taking it for granted. My mouth could only go yada yada and i just find myself sitting down doing nothing. I really hate myself for what i become, seriously.

All i want for my birthday is just that one person, the one i regretted losing.

/edit
i regretted going to school today, it really was a waste of time. Anyway, it did what it suppose to do, kept me occupied for awhile. I lost to GOD.. haha you really win. i knelt down one hour in search for an answer.

Notice

2008-07-07T03:10:00.000+08:00

hey everyone, this blog will be temporary gone for the time being
(:

day without her - 72

2008-06-23T19:50:00.002+08:00

first day of school reopening was tiring
somehow or someway, i just feel so drained out.

anyway, sorry guys
off to do maya work.

day without her - 70

2008-06-21T19:40:00.002+08:00

body is burnt
head is burnt due to a fever
constant throbbing that never end
to add on to that, my blood was drawn out
felt super tired today
sprained my fucking ankle while walking down the stairs today
felt super dizzy and feverish
was so blur till i got hit on the face by a metal pole
my nose started bleeding
the bladder problem is back again
i vomited for no reason
fucking stress out with the school work

where are you, where are you
when i needed you the most
my god, take me away

day without her - 69

2008-06-20T16:18:00.002+08:00

it is difficult to be someone understanding
to be able to do things that is against our own decision
but then, doing so is the only way that will make everyone happy
except myself

so what should i do?
it feels so guilty to just think for myself

*i'm contradicting*

day without her - 56

2008-06-07T17:22:00.000+08:00

Philip Elijah Ng
you are an idiot

day without her - 51

2008-06-02T04:07:00.002+08:00

okay, it is already 2nd of june.
and this week will be my term test week which i so havent study anything yet
anyway, i'm seriously counting down to the day when i finally go to bangkok
and shop, shop and more shopping (:
but the problem is, most of my assignments are not even halfway done yet
if so, how can i go there and really have fun
sad sad sad..

probably the first week of hoildays will be my mugging days
for the first time this semester, i'm finally feeling the stress
stress of having to do my last minute work again

everything was as usual for today
nothing much really happen.
oh ya, as i was walking to the bus-stop today, an accident took place right in front of me
as the rain just stopped and when the road is still slippery
one mini bus was like driving so fast
i guess the driver couldn stop the bus in time and also due to the wet floor
the bus skidded slightly and bang into a SBS bus
it was exactly like on tv shows where the windows shattered
and the rear mirror came flying out
and perhaps it was still in the morning and i was half asleep
i stood there stunned for around 30sec in the hot sun, haha
luckily, the accident did not block the traffic if not i will be late for my breakfast! =P

and oh my heaven, my final fantasy crisis core is ending
after playing it in one day, such a disappointment
wanted a game that could last me for at least one month
so sad ='(

P.S. DBIS still looks so foreign to me O.O
(after 3hours of reading it)

day without her - 48

2008-05-30T02:58:00.002+08:00

okay, time has been passing very fast
it is already the end of this week school
and the next week is my term test week
the amazing thing is that i have not started on any revision yet
plus my city is no where near completion
i just feel so tired

decided to give my SL class a skip
just to come home earlier to have a rest
slept the whole entire afternoon/night
and i am super awake right now
=/

day without her - 43

2008-05-25T01:52:00.000+08:00

FERNANDO TORRES, FERNANDO TORRES
LIVERPOOL NUMBER 9. :)

day without her - 41

2008-05-23T02:51:00.002+08:00

okay i'm officially super stress up with my work at school
so many submissions due next week and i haven even start on any..
my in3d journal is due today and here i am blogging at my own blog instead of the supposed one
luckily i don't have school on fridays, shall stay at home and finished it up

not to mention that my term test is round the corner
which is at week 7, and today marks the end of week 5 OMG
with so many assignments due, when can i ever possiby find the time to start my revision
philip elijah ng, you're oh so dead.

anyway if i'm not wrong, i will travelling up to bangkok during this june holiday (2weeks only)
the dates chosen is 13th - 15th of june which is on a friday to a sunday
can't wait for the trip, but then i have 3more submissions straight after my holidays
this means that i have to finish it all before i can even think of enjoying myself
oh gosh!

my health haven't been that good recently
after that knock on my head, apparently there will be a certain number of times in a day that my headache will eventually return, so very fed up!
and this is seriously affecting my mood and work

MAJOR mood swing for the past few days
for awhile, you can see me jumping around like one mad happy monkey
and awhile later, you will see one sulking and gloomy face
no explanations for this i guess, just really tired of things around here

for now, i just i shall concentrate everything on my work
try to finish up all the assignments that is due after the holidays
so i have nothing to worry about.

this looks like a never-ending post
suddenly, i just have the mood to keep typing and typing
must be one of my unique methods to de-stress

ahhh, somebody saveeee me!
P.S. I'm MAD (:

day without her - 38

2008-05-20T17:18:00.002+08:00

today was such a fuck up day
i really don't why it feels so bad today
everything just seems to go wrong

P.S. Congrats to travun for passing his driving (:
Also Thanks for hitting me on the head with the cue stick,
now my head got one big lump, painful X.x
major headache.....

day without her - 34

2008-05-16T12:53:00.002+08:00

hey , don't be sad because the things that are happening now
everything will be fine okay?

day without her - 32

2008-05-14T02:00:00.005+08:00

Yeah, has been quite a busy week for me
Doing my flash and 3D animation
So i decided to upload these ugly work of mine (:
[My alien flash work was not uploaded, something is wrong )= ]

My City

My Flats

Church (does it look like one? o.O)

My Cute Private Houses and Bus-stop
So looking forward to this weekend, i guess i will be taking a good break (:
4Days of Holiday =D
Muahaha

day without her - 27

2008-05-09T17:10:00.001+08:00

You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far
****

Do i deserve this?

Day without her - 25

2008-05-07T00:35:00.002+08:00

38.2 degrees celsius
omg, i am still having a freaking fever
that's bad, this fever has already last for more then 2days
at first, i did not want to go for my tutorial at 12pm
but after thinking of the trouble to get a mc
i decided to get my lazy ass out of bed

school is the same
workload is piling up in the blink of the eye
modules are getting more complicating then ever

i have decided to ignore that particular person who keeps disturbing my life in school :)

currently tying up the loose ends of my cmsk4 group work
i WANT to sleep!!!

day without her - 23

2008-05-05T03:15:00.001+08:00

He met her at a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he was so normal, nobody paid attention to him.

At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised but due to being polite, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, and she thought to herself, "Please, let me go home..."

Suddenly he asked the waiter, "Would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee." Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red but still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it. She asked him curiously, "Why you have this hobby?" He replied, "When I was a little boy, I lived near the sea, I liked playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there." While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched. That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home... Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family.

That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story. They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee! Then the story was just like every beautiful love story, the princess married to the prince, and then they were living the happy life... And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked it.

After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said, "My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life's lie. This was the only lie I said to you---the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt. It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead. I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything... Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth, I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste... But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again."

Her tears made the letter totally wet. Someday, someone asked her, "What's the taste of salty coffee?" She replied, "It's sweet."

day without her - 10

2008-04-22T19:25:00.001+08:00

It's four AM, I'm waking up to your perfume
Don't get up, I'll get through on my own
I don't know if I'm home
Or if I lost the way into your room
I'm spiraling into my doom
I'm feeling half alive but I know one day
You and I will be free,

To live and die by our own rules,
Free..
Despite the fact that men are fools.

I'm almost alive, and I need you to try
And save me.
It's okay that we're dying,
But I need to survive tonight, tonight.

Well excuse me while I get killed softly,
Heart slows down and I can hardly tell you I'm okay
At least 'til yesterday,
You know you got me off my highest guard,
Believe me when I say it's hard.
We'll get through this tonight
And I know one day you and I will be free

To live and die by our own rules,
Free..
Despite the fact that men are fools.

I'm almost alive, and I need you to try
And save me.
It's okay that we're dying,
But I need to survive tonight, tonight.

And you touch my hand ever so slightly
(Girl we're not ready for this yet)
And the deadly look she cast upon me
I won't regret, I won't regret
I won't regret. I won't regret...

And I was trying to disappear,
But you got me wrapped around you
I can hardly breathe without you
I was trying to disappear
But I got lost in your eyes now,
You brought me down to size now.

I'm almost alive
And I need you to try and save me.
It's okay that we're dying
But I need to survive tonight, tonight
Tonight...

I'm almost alive, and I need you to try
And save me.
It's okay that we're dying,
But I need to survive tonight, tonight.
I need to survive tonight, tonight

day without you - 4

2008-04-16T18:29:00.002+08:00

last night was terrible
i was running a very high fever at 4am
then i did not want to disturb anyone at home, so i just have to endure it
my head felt like exploding, my body ache like mad.
my throat remained the same, it burn like crazy
until now i feeling so sick, but the more i stay at home, the more sick i feel

at least now my fever is gone
but then my head is throbbing like mad
should i go clubbing later? =/
___
d(T_T)b
/| |\
/ \

i'm bored..

Day without you - 3

2008-04-15T08:52:00.003+08:00

just came back from my poly class chalet
and just got some catching up with them before the start of school
my main intention was to get there and get really drunk
but it turn out that i was the one that taking care of the drunk
slowly one by one seeing each other them getting drunk faster then me
it really feels so ...... , i cant describe this feeling
in the end, i just had to inhale more 'air'
which eventually made my throat really sore now
i think i'm going to get throa

t infection sooner or later.
but seeing one of them drunk, feeling so sad about some problems
it really hurts me to see that

yeah, i'm perfectly fine being seen around anyone
but once it comes when i had to face four walls alone
the feeling is unbearable
and i still don't understand why such a thing must be done
maybe that is why you say our opinions differ
but seriously, the way you think really is different and unique.

it really left me lost and in agony...

i got a reallybad sore throat, burning
just woke up, probably the worst i always feel
i really hate sleeping, because i just cant run away from all this
i still had to accept reality which i really can't do it.

i think you are gotten used to me not in your life anymore
i guess i'm quite the forgotten right now

all i did was did my best for the relationship
and now you tell me you could not commit
i did not ask for 100% full attention from you
what you did at easter vigil was really good enough for me
was it really that you are tired of having problems
or tired of this relationship?
because whatever you said to me doesn't make sense
you treat me like what?
someone as and when you can start loving as you please
and as and when you really cannot handle it, you just dump
you are not being good for not dragging this
don't think that it actually helped me
i already took a ultimate long time having to forget my first one
all your promises, were they stimulating me to kill myself
aren't you happy that i'm like that for you
instead of filling guilty, i just you are enjoying yourself
i'm very tired, very tired of getting this treatmenti.
i'm very tired of those promise you actually made
remember you told me once that my promises actually meant alot to you?
you think is not vice versa?
tired tired tired

Day without you - 1

2008-04-13T23:43:00.002+08:00

it has been 5months since we were together
today i finally decided to let go of everything
even though that it really really hurts me by doing so
plus the fact that i'm really really confused
my heart is like bleeding profusely.

anyway, went to church as per normal
it was the youth mass so the 1230 choir did not have to sing
despite every single month of singing the same old songs, they keep making mistakes
the youth choir, really CMI
after the mass, the family with melvyn, sheryl and suat went for lunch
wanted to go Oasis to eat, but they have already close down
so we eventually went to toa payoh to eat at fortunATE restaurant
eat DIM SUM! =P
after that came back and played mahjong with adrian,melvyn and mummy in the evening
but probably wasn't in the mood to play
at least i manage to break even.

i accompanied adrian and melvyn to take a cab
after a few minutes of talking with them, i eventually broke down
or ya, i probably will be taking a break from the choir
quite tired of being there already
so am i really over this thing?

i guess... definitely not..
Liverpool 3 - 1 Blackburn :)))

The drive of Life, i dont see one for me though.

2008-04-07T20:01:00.004+08:00

i don't know where this went wrong
i'm gone

whenever this happens to me
there always is a marathon of shows

Because of Love
i do anything...

haiz

2008-03-29T20:08:00.000+08:00

life seems so insignificant now
i wish that my life would just end now

love?

2008-03-28T04:09:00.003+08:00

Love differs from heart to heart, love can be good and can be bad. To love and be loved is the perefect ingredients to happiness but to love and not be loved will be a darkness in your soul. Being in love is like a drop of water after years of draught, it eases your souls agonies of life. Being in love is a feeling not all humans will experience. So if you have it cherish.......just love it..

i think love is never tired of waiting; love is kind; love has no envy; love has no high opinion of itself, love has no pride; love's ways are ever fair, it takes no thought for itself; it is not quickly made angry, it keeps no accounts of wrong; it takes no pleasure in wrongdoing, but has joy in what is true; love has the power of undergoing all things, having faith in all things, hoping all things. though the prophet's word may come to an end, tongues come to nothing, and knowledge have no more value, love has no end.

Love has never been defined since man began, so we have to use our own hearts and minds to decide. Love isn't all about looking at a good looking woman/man and hearing fireworks go off all the time. That's usually physical attraction, but it's normal at the beginning of our relationship. Love is respect, wanting to help that person in any aspect of their lives; protect them from harm's way; knowing that each other will be there 100%; feeling safe with that person; proud of being with them; sharing your hopes and dreams together; and my favorite ... feeling like you can conquer the world together! Knowing you will be together no matter what and continue on until the day you pass away. Now that's love to me!

The Meaning of Love and being in Love is and this is from my opinion: When two people care for each other so much that they would not let nothing or no one get in there way of being together. And they will go to the end of the world to be with each other and do anything for one another. But no one can explain Love. There is no explantion only what u would call Love.

Well sometimes we argue and fight but no matter what we always find some kind of way to make up. If you love some one then you trust them, you can count on them when you need them most. Fine things mean nothing but time means everything. You should be able to tell eachother everything. If you never argue then thats not love. And there really is no true definition of love because everyone feels different about the person they love.

The person who said-- You love somebody if you care for them more than you care for yourself. You love somebody when you would rather make them happy then your self happy-- you were absolutely right. Love can be described by that. If your own wants and needs dont matter to you as long as that person is okay, than that is true love

I believe that love can be described in more ways than one and there sure are different kinds of love you feel for someone but when you can't eat and can't sleep because all you think about is that special someone than you are definately in love. Ever sit on the couch thinking your going to relax and read a book or something and you look down and your on page 10 of the book but because your mind is thinking about the person you just can't seem to get your mind off of you have to go all the way back to page number one.....or you have a date with that special someone and when you glance at him/her for the first time that night your stomach knots with butterflies and you suddenly feel so sick because there's the woman(man) of your dreams standing in front of you....my defintion of love is when you can't wait to see that person again; when you get dropped off at home but run for the phone just so you can hear their voice once again; when you would give anything to be together just five more minutes; you trust them with all of your heart; your comfortable together and know you could talk about anything; you are there for each other no matter what good or bad; you stand beside them proudly with confidence and last but definately not least, sharing speacial moments that one day you know will make wonderful memories to look back on and share with the ones you love the most.

True love is when one cares about someone else's well being as much as one cares about one's own. Making someone else happy is certainly important, and yet one's own happiness in addition to that and as a result of that is what genuinely is true. True love stands together in equality and balance to what is honest, true and caring and not only about romantic love. It is a kindness of heart, soul, and mind. True love can be definited and is also a given, known and reciprocated when two people "share" in it.

If we aren't happy with ourselves and tripping over ourselves to always please our partner without expecting anything back, then I don't call this love at all. One thing most of us have made mistakes over is wanting a 100% perfection in relationships and there is no such beast! Love has never been defined because it means different things to different people.

To me love is putting up with the arguments with that person and arguing your family down for them. Love is always being there but I don't think when you love some one you should love them more than your self because that is totally unhealthy.

Love is a feeling, an emotion that cannot be explained. Either you feel it or you don't. We call it 'love' because there is no explanation for it. It is not a rational, predetermined action. When you can't rationalize that feeling then you call it love.

Easter Vigil is coming

2008-03-18T06:12:00.002+08:00

had been a very busy last week for me
i was out most of the days FORTUNATELY
did not sleep for the entire night during friday
then met up with travun for breakfast at Macs at bedok
later, i met up with my chinese teacher and some ex-classmates
and my teacher treat me at jack's place =P yummy
even though i did not want to eat, they just ordered the food for me
and i think after one year, i finally played dota again
it is like so foreign to me now
after that travun and i met up with sharmaine
we decided to go to east coast park just to waste our time over there
boy! memories for me though
we sat at the breakwater and chat, lie on the sand, and then sat at the breakwater again
so much fun talking to you guys again
but then, the whole day i was like mar-bok.. gong gong..
must be the insufficient amount of rest i had
intending to go home and drop dead on bed
but godpa was sick and wanted me to continue mahjong for him
and surprising i won $55.. Woo!

other days are not as packed and fun as this one
so nothing much for me to say.

hmm.. So is it going to end
i really don't know
tears keep flowing down
i lost my reason to smile again
am i that useless, hopeless?
i'm really tired to do anything right now
the thoughts, the feelings
can they fucking go away
my brain is so being tortured right now
and it hurts very badly

fuck it

2008-03-08T02:07:00.002+08:00

finally i won in mahjong
against my mother, aunty dot and father tim
(:

i told you i be there for you
i waited and waited
i feeling so worried about you
everyone also know how i feel
i gave you all the space that you need
but in the end a mere friend of yours is much better then me
i really wondered what i am to you in this world

i won't say anything anymore
you had enough with your own life
never mind, i will be the air beside you
always not-known to anyone

i asked a simple thing and you understand
but you still will not do this
sigh...

updates updatesssss..

2008-03-07T06:22:00.002+08:00

here is a brief things that i've done this past week

Monday:
probably the most boring day of the week
i just stayed at home because of the mahjong on sunday
but was checking out the things to do for next week

Tuesday:
Went out with dom, viven, sharlene and pang cheng for dinner
we ate at arnold's chicken at city plaza
probably better place to eat then KFC
after that we went to parkway and walked around
and i managed to buy something that i was finding(:
after that we met up with travun and went to parkway central to pool
then steven and his girlfriend met up to play too
after that while we were down to travun, dom and me
we sat at the bus-stop and had a nice talk while waiting for steven to send his gf home
then we went to steven's house to watch soccer and drink
and i finally get to pick up my jack daniels at his place (:

Wednesday:
Was supposed to meet up with dom and royston to go back changkat
but was really tired and i just slept till very late
sorry danial for not being there for you again

Thursday:
Meet up with steven and travun to play mahjong
sadly,only the three of us
and the losing streak continues
boy! my luck is really bad this year

hey who says that life gonna be easy
but definitely there will be sometimes that will really hit us badly
it is how you face it
and i'm sure that you can do it
to both of the person that are facing the rough patch of the life
just remember, don't give up
i'm always here, just a call away

scissor paper stone

2008-03-01T16:27:00.004+08:00

As the years went by, memories started to flow back
as we sat down at the table having our fun share of alcohol,
someone ignited that spark which led to a neverending conversation
people admitting what they felt previously before
all the things that was once sealed now let out to everyone
however, that's only a small part of it
then it began on how much we miss those old times
those were the time that we will never get it back again
too late for any regrets, sorry but those are the best
now all that is in our hands is to ask the others to treasure it
and not only the time, but the people that you have around you
because you never know when is, and will be the last time
that you actually will see them

start anew

2008-02-28T05:45:00.005+08:00

yeah, i changed my blogskin again
and i only took around 3hrs to do it
probably has been doing it so many times until i'm quite used to it
but then..
now it doesn't look too emo :D
any ideas on how to make it look better?

haha don't really know what to post now
so i decided to post my psychology video
something which i looked so gay in it.

heavy thoughts for the holiday

2008-02-25T18:41:00.002+08:00

yeah, it's been a boring day at home.
supposed to study for tml oopg exam
but i'm having a terrible headache
so practically stone around at home for the whole day
surprisingly i woke up at 12 today
whne i slept at 7 in the morning
it is very weird, i was playing game and felt really tired
but whenever i try to sleep, i really can't
okay, after tml exam, i guess it will be the start of my holidays
and i really got nothing to do
maybe i will go and work? but then i'm really having second thoughts about it
maybe i will make all the plans to meet every single one
and hopefully there will be a class chalet
2e1, 4e2 and my poly
like that then i'm really glad
it beats having to think of what to do everyday the first thing that i open my eyes

my eyes are so puff up
i guess because of the effects of yesterday
but at least i'm perfectly fine now.

the reason

2008-02-24T03:01:00.001+08:00

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with every day
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

And the reason is you
And the reason is you
And the reason is you

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

sad life

2008-02-23T15:56:00.002+08:00

ahh, at least i'm feeling much better alreadya
after resting for so long
and MHF2 with grace

woke up with a splitting headache
the whole seems to dance in front of me
and i went to play soccer in the hot blazing sun
i swear my heart nearly stop beating at one point
when i couldn't take it anymore
i just collaspe and lied on the floor
stars began to appear.. wow
the aftermath of yesterday

i went to toilet, and i started to vomit
really, it continues and continues
until i really ran out of water.
nvm.. i must learn to accept this
learn to handle all things myself and not rely on anyone
brb
incoming another series of vomit!

go to sleep

2008-02-23T05:28:00.002+08:00

yeah, i came back at 3. bathe and all till 3.30am
from that time till now, i lay on bed
trying my best to fall asleep but i really can't
all my mind could think was where did i went wrong
this time, i really doubt so.
am i too much to ask for that only?
i really don't know
anyway have soccer at 10am later
really so dead
and most likely spending the entire day with danial
then evening time playing soccer again
if that's possibly

unless something change
someone, that someone i willing to stop everything that i'm doing
just to get to meet up
even though what happen
my heart still long for you

good night philip
please go to sleep, you know that you are extremely tired
but why won't your mind stop functioning

one sheep, two sheep, three sheep
zzzZZZZ
yeah right...

2008-02-22T00:50:00.002+08:00

This whole week has been a boring week for me
it's the study week and all that i study is.... mahjong
anyway, receive a stupid phone call from my teacher saying that
she couldn't find my ides cd and sketchbook.
and she told me that i will definitely fail without this items.
WTF right. i have already pass up the fucking damn work and you tell me that
and i told you i could bring it down and hand it again.
"oh, you already pass the deadline, so i can't collect any work anymore."
eh wtf, not say i did not hand it right? i really think that it is you that lost my work
and i'm going to fail because of that?
fuck it, just fail it.. i really don't care
i've already hate my life anyway

if i were to collaspe one day
will you be there for me?

i am so depressed now
can you even... haiz nvm
it has already been like that

the irony of certain things
when you take a look at them
you can't help but just laugh
even though it's not even funny
why are some things happening in this way
there will be no answer for these questions

'what is your purpose of actually being here in this world'
never will i be able to answer this question
but until now, not one, and i really mean not even one
really understand how i feel
after so long, having the number of people around me
probably that sense of having friends
but who actually can always be there for you?
not always your friends, they have their life
your family? my father?
that will probably be when it's the end of the world
my mother? somehow, maybe only her but then not always
siblings? every single one have their own matters
and the last one, i thought that this could be answer
but she probably have more things to worry about then me
i still feel so distant to her, like there so much about her
when she is still hiding some emotion from me,
that line, i will never ever get past it.
so i just sum up everything
in conclusion, none..

the questions that i asked
i really want an answer

a day of three3rd

2008-02-12T01:20:00.000+08:00

i think that sometimes i expect too much
my expectation level is way over the limit
thus it only brings more sadness and hurt
Surely certain things won't always be so perfect

the question now that i ponder
why am i always contradicting myself
hypocracy is all i see when i stand in front of the mirror
self-centered, i guess that is what may be

i want everything so perfect for myself
Easily a slight difference will show oneself
so much for happily ever after
can't this two ever co-exist?

As time flies by, it can already be seen
slowly and steady, you will be the one
i promise...

i'm feeling so damn tired
it feels so weird not hearing your voice
especially on this day
i expected something to happen
it turn out that it was just my wishful thinking
i'm currently typing with my eyes close
good night. Sweet dreams

i miss you

2008-01-24T05:44:00.000+08:00

super worn out
gym + assignments + ??? = dead
i'm so not looking forward to Chinese New Year

i miss you...

surrounded with work!

2008-01-20T06:07:00.000+08:00

okay, enough of those episode titles, was just having some fun with it. :)
anyway, it has been such a hectic time for me this week
rushed through oopg assignment, ides beta and having cmath test
at least i had a breather before this continues, bcuz all these are driving me nuts
on friday, spent the entire evening to night at home, was supposed to go for movie?
but i just felt that it was just too tiring? however, it was really quality time spent (:

then slept till 2pm on saturday, was suppose to sleep till evening before choir practice
my brother just have to wake me up
first he took my phone to send songs to his phone
not mentioning his message ringtone that was preventing me to have my beauty sleep
next, he took my psp and tried to figure something
bcuz someone changed my settings and then i couldn play MHF2 with him
at the end, i figured it out after i woke up. haha

yeah, choir practice was the same, only we did some 'factory work'
which i got a papercut on my finger in the process
after choir prac, brother came down with suat to fetch dan, vic and i
yeah, we went to a bar (which i forgot the name) at marina square
we were meeting daryl before he went to thailand for his army
so yeah, dint have this kind of thing for quite a while

both the girls had to go home early so we left at about 12
after fetching everyone home, bro and i went to 201
ate the maggi goreng, which was so spicy
so freaking weird, so i did not quite enjoy my meal, damn sad

the answer to that question
i love her because she is the best
she is everything that i want
and i'm sure no one is able to do what she did

episode 9

2008-01-15T02:36:00.000+08:00

i'm officially dying of stress, stress from all the assignments that are due this week
not mentioning it had been sucha emotional time for me last week
oh ya, a special thanks to all who accompany me during this period
and also to those comments received, it really helped! (:
and and, a few days ago, a cute one has joined the family
and her name is coco, a fully black dog
she is so adorable, haha i guess it's only 5months old?
don't worry coral, you're not forgotten

i guess the lack of sleep had made me so emotional
and that is so bad
because i looked at thing at only the negative perspective
and the more i think, the shittier i feel
someone told me that i looked thinner?
omgosh la, that is bad bad bad
i will start my gyming soooooon
maybe after this week. =X

episode 8

2008-01-13T17:09:00.000+08:00

let us just forget it
i'm also too tired to continue

yeah, i'm somehow quite similar to my father
i've even inherited one of his genes
a really bad one
today when i took my mother's phone to read her message
i seriously saw such a disgusting side of my father
lets not talk about how unreasonable he can really be
but then, what he said in the message
was really.. haizz it's too bad for me to describe
scolding, saying how badly my mother brought us up
say we always use his money, say as though my mother ain't working
don't touch anything of his, especially his money
he want to see how we survive without him
such a 'great' role model we have there
one of the best thing he loves to do
blaming the whole damn world except himself
eh? so it's only your wife's responsibility to take care of us and not yours?
you're not the only one that is earning the money
you don't want us to touch your money?
then why even decide to start this family?
you don't want us to spend your money? go ahead take it!
i can even give you my life, just take it to your grave
i really don't give a shit
divorce? you really want?
seriously, i've been waiting for this day for very long already
if this word can come out of your mouth so easily, then i guess it doesn't mean much to you
so who cares? Us, the siblings tried really hard to patch up our differences
so as to keep the family together
but this family will never find peace, or family love
if you continue to think of your old days
how your father thrash all of you.
and i not knowingly following in your footsteps
i really hate myself, argh
at least, i sincerely regretted saying some things that hurt some others
haiz, i really wasted my time talking about him

i still have my oopg assignment to do
need to pass it up by tomorrow
and i haven't even start
i'm too tired to start it now
haven't catch a wink since yesterday till now
maybe later i would wake up at 10pm to do it
i hate that feeling, doing work late at night alone
and you know there is no one there for you in this situation

episode 7

2008-01-13T08:37:00.000+08:00

on the chair under the twinkling little stars
had already a few cups of whisky to forget about everything
in my hand was another cup of martini
if only i could be like the rest
and reach that zone where everything seems to fly
maybe all the troubles would just disappear for awhile
i am hopeless
hopeless as being a person
nothing work out yesterday
so much for being a day i look forward for a long time
the wait felt like a 100years
all i wanted. i thought about was just to help
help you take your mind off the things that trouble you
was that so difficult?
you did much for me, i thought maybe i could do something to please you
the plan backfired and became something really ugly
why everything that i planned
with a good heart and mind
turns out like it is nothing
after what i planned last time before that fateful day
i received a big present, something which affected my life greatly
something which changed me
into someone i am now
i'm just so scared of that to happen again
but i just wanted you to smile
and leave behind everything
if that really hurt you, i will never do it again
why not i just be on a stand-by
anytime you want, just call me
call me when you're not that tired
seriously i find myself trying so hard in everything
but i guess i'm not being smart
all that i working towards were totally wrong
i'm really tired
tired of trying to make you see things from my point
if you want to forget about it
then so be it
so you won't get hurt
i prefer to be the only one getting hurt then both of us

episode 6

2008-01-09T00:54:00.000+08:00

As raindrops fall hard on us, flashes of light was seen. The cat had been let out of the bag, the two most feared one for the truth to be known to, had found out. And for those who still don't know, i was found smoking. yeah i smoke. At a loss of words now, i'm just prepared for the worst. But i guessed it's time to stop that habit too, seriously too harmful to me. major emotional breakdown, and all that could come out from my mouth was full of shit. But after talking it out, i still don't feel better. Only more relief that i don't have to hide the truth from anyone now. Indeed, i felt really bad lying to them. Everything i guessed really came true, maybe for the better. Now lets see, i shall live life one step at a time.
just what a man you are, you're the one who find your son in this state. But then you go around blaming every single one except yourself. So what if you are earning the money, your wife is also doing the same thing, but then she don't go complaining to you. When did you ever show concern to me? probably in your eyes i was just someone for you to vent your anger out, youngest... bullshit. running into the balcony door, then blaming the door for being transparent. just admit the damn fact that you are old, and you can't see it. don't make such a big fuss over it, trying to announce to the whole world that it's ain't your fault. you can't change yourself? yeah, that will probably be the downfall of the family. yeah i'm apologetic to both of you, however i don't feel good feeling that way for you. because somehow i growing to hate you.
yeah, i lost my mood to study. my grades just go sliding down. fuckit, i said it before, i say it again, no one will understand me unless you were in my shoes before. okay, im not blaming my life for the grades, but i'm just plain lazy. i'm going to be a good for nothing person. wonderful

thoughts keep flowing through my mind, a reasonable answer and explanation was supposed to be found. I'm not in the mood now to be thinking already, because currently i just need your support. i'm feeling so terrible now, having all kinds of mix feelings. God, please save me now. probably take me together with you

episode 5

2008-01-08T02:52:00.000+08:00

it has been a long time since i went through a really long day in school
and with the amount of work that are stacking up
in additional to the results of some subjects
i realise i am currently under a tremendous amount of pressure
not to mention stress too
the pace of life, is really too quick for me to catch up
my world feels like there is a fast forward button being turn on
quicker even then the blink of an eye
both physically and mentally tired
i just finished my MMP1 work
mayb left with a few more examples for the umbrella thing
but i just don't have that motivation to carry on
i felt like calling someone, to give me that spur to carry on
but i guess i rather not disturb anyone now
or mayb anytime in the day
well, this is my life
i decided to deal with any difficulty that i'm facing alone
rather then being a burden to anyone

but the fact is, i'm just so tired
probably not used to it
i will handle this alone
i know i can..

epislde 4

2008-01-06T20:16:00.000+08:00

school had already reopen
did some last minute work for psychology project video
oh gosh, i really look so eewww in the video
but had great fun with both the sworn brothers doing the video
wasn't the best saturday i had
spent the whole day sleeping, plus some trouble
was feeling really down how saturday ended
as usual, did not have enough rest before i could start sunday off
but i was the first to reach church (:
and sang one of my favourite psalm
and then the routine goes on
another boring sunday night
typing this oh so boring post

yeah, all those personal feelings
it's going to be restricted just for myself
it's time for a change for the new year

still, i do not understand you

episode 3

2008-01-04T02:33:00.000+08:00

To love someone is
to understand each other,
to laugh together,
to smile with your heart
and to trust one another.
One important thing is
to let each other go
if you can't do this.

If music be the food of love, play on

Love reminds you that nothing else matters.

Love is more than a feeling;
it's a state of mind.

The best things in life
can never be kept;
They must be given away.
A Smile, a Kiss, and Love

To love is not to look at one another,
But to look together in the same direction

If you love someone you say it
you say it right then
out loud

episode 2

2008-01-02T01:54:00.000+08:00

yeah it is a new year
and life continues as per normal
glum faces shown as school reopens
but before all those negative thoughts about school
at least i enjoyed the countdown of the new year
probably the best one in my life
we went to vivo city
which is already so packed even at 7pm
people were already waiting at their spots for midnight
there was even one couple that we saw that brought their laptop
after our movie we actually saw them watching some show on their laptop
embarrassed with my fellow singaporeans
but was just quite impressed with the laptop's battery XD
anyway, we did the countdown
watching the fireworks
and being oh so hyper trying to get a cab
in short, it was a great night out :)

not surprising, there is another family problem again
was already expecting something like this to happen
but dint know that it was so soon
anyway, it is not much my problem anymore
like what i did on 31st dec, i just went out of the house
while all of them were quarrelling
in this new year, i've decided that their problem is none of my business
because no matter what, it's useless
so yeah, i will just hang out with them when there is fun
will post up the pics taken in msia next time

school starting in 5hours time
fortunately it's only 3hours, but it's freaking early (8am)
oops sorry, i know that you have to wake up at 5.30am =X
okay, hope all of you guys that are starting school
hope it will be a great day awaiting you all~
and have fun =)

episode 1

2007-12-22T06:48:00.000+08:00

okay,i'm back to blogging about my boring life (:

Wednesday 19/12/2007:
had to wake up early to practice for the penitential for the priests
and was suppose to be there at 8am.
and i woke up at 7.58am, how great
thought grace had already left without me
but instead, she was worse then me
i had to wake her up
so we reach there around 8.30am
sorry to all those who were there early =/
somehow after helping out to sing for that morning
i felt a sense of satisfaction that i really like
to see the smiles of all of them
really brightens my day
couldn sleep in the afternoon even though i was extremely tiredd
so was stoning for practice in the evening and HK cafe after that
then had a long long talk with grace till 5am in the morning
she finally knows the secret, hah!

Thursday 20/12/2007:
even though my day started out at 6pm
it lasted till 3am in the morning
and i really enjoyed myself
however, i am feeling really guilty
because of today, you fell sick the next day =(

Friday 21/12/2007:
went for confession
and i really let out alot of things
anyway, now the whole family knows about it
after that, played mahjong with
grace/sharlyn, daphnie, leonard/leticia
erm.. sorry, won quite a bit
around $12++
and then continue playing mahjong with grace and sharlyn
and won again in the both rounds
i guess my luck is really good today

anyway, later going to meet up with grace and sharlyn
to do some shopping before practice starts
maybe will be going to starbucks
cause they going to repay their debt there :D
after that will be practice from 5pm - 8pm
it's the last practice, but we still sound horrible
i guess the only thing that we can do now is just pray

little thoughts just floating in my head
if it's really meant to get hurt again
then no matter how i try, i won't be able to escape it
or should i fight for myself?
we wait and see...

i'm back (:

2007-12-18T05:54:00.000+08:00

yeah, have been staying at home for the past few days
wasn't feeling too good due to my cough
and now, i feeling much better already
it's time for me to get back those fun that i miss out
and it certainly beats staying at home
where there is more possibilities of getting into quarrels
no matter what
i will make this christmas an unforgettable one for me
and start the new year with a bang!
as a celebration for the end of year 2007
which has been such a 'memorable' one for me
so for those of you are still emo-ing about your problems
it's time for you to leave those problems aside and continue living happily
(:

Josh Groban - you are loved (don't give up)

2007-12-17T00:37:00.000+08:00

"You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)"

Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
When your heart's heavy
I...I will lift it for you

Don't give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I...I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
When you're lost inside
I...I will be there to find you

Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I...I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

You are loved
Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
Don't give up
Every one needs to be heard
You are loved

deleted

2007-12-16T01:01:00.000+08:00

previous post was deleted
a little too childish
but those were how i felt

lonely + sad = emo :D

2007-12-14T00:05:00.000+08:00

To have someone there for you always
even if you are in the weirdest mood ever
just having that person to really try his/her best
so that the world feels bright once again
not necessary for those words
only the company of that person will change everything else
nothing else really matters though
the sky can just falls and end everything
but to that particular one, him/her is the world

oh the trip to malaysia on christmas may be CANCELLED
i guess that changed so suddenly
should i be happy or sad?
i really don't know for now

yeah this is my world and my life
no one understands

whooshh

2007-12-13T05:37:00.000+08:00

so breathless till i pass here
so helpless when i turned
my throat is wrecked with all these coughing
my mind just cant find any peace
my morning has turn into night
and my night has turn into afternoon
now it is getting worse
with those wandering thoughts that also gone worse
720++ hours have pass by in a blink of an eye
how quick can that be
but this mere 6hours
it just felt like i went through hell

the air-con went whooosh
as the light slowly flickers like stars in the sky
alarm clocks sounded as lazy bones got up from bed
the air of the night was unbearable
at sub-zero temperature it might be

i hate the feeling of waking up now
for school, for work, anything! the feeling just sucks
right after you finished your bath with the minimum amount of warm water
the feeling is a combination of many negative things
just make you feel so alone
so here i am giving you all all the support
for those who are going to experience this now
cause PHILIP ELIJAH NG is finally having his holidays
finally my eyes droop down
as i begin my journey into slumberland
(posted late because i fell asleep :D)

he was left alone
when he was feeling down
he was easily irritated at the moment
probably becuz of that
he wasn't feeling too well
all he wanted was just to have someone's company
but it wasn't being understand at all
was it really worth it feeling down?
i really dunno.
i also can't help you

many many thanks

2007-12-11T03:08:00.000+08:00

i just wanna say a big THANK YOU!
for those birthday wishes i received (doesn't matter if its late)
for those pressie that i received
to those who celebrated it with me (especially during that midnight )
really glad to have all that for my birthday
thank you (:

Life revolves round many things
one thing that definitely make an impact is certainly money
yeah with it, many things will be make possible
but could it really bring us happiness?
being able to buy something out of your hard earned money
certainly gives us that sense of satisfaction, a short lived of happiness
but a simple turn of events like having that thing stolen or lost
it really brings much more unhappiness instead
and because of this, your unhappy mood affect many other people
hurting relationships unknowingly
then whats the point of working so hard for it?

watching the movies
taking the long long ride on the enormous vehicle
stopping by to feed my stomach worm
enjoying the night scenery awaiting a surprise
having a long night stroll
oh, how i wish thats my life

i have a demon :D

oh, its my birthday?

2007-12-07T04:11:00.000+08:00

it has come
i'm finally 17
went to watch the golden compass
something like the lord of the rings
love the ending part (:
i really enjoyed myself last night
and happy with whatever had been done

the two years are looking to be identical
but one turned how horribly for me
but i beg to differ for the other one
because...

WLV - you know what that means ("/)

2007-12-06T04:30:00.000+08:00

just be strong for the ones you love
deep down inside is filled with pain and torture
anytime i will be just there
always ready, like always
this is what i am, to see others happy
to help to whenever is possible
and prefer not to troubled you I am
till now that never be a change

haha watch this (:

2007-12-02T06:48:00.000+08:00

All's over, then does truth sound bitter
As one at first believes?
Hark, 'tis the sparrows' goodnight twitter
About your cottage eaves!

And the leaf-buds on the vine are woolly,
I noticed that, today
One day more bursts them open fully
You know the red turns gray.

Tomorrow we meet the same then?
May I take your hand in mine?
Just ordinary people are we, well, the most normal
Keep much that I resign

For each glance of the eye so bright and black.
Though I keep with heart's endeavour,
Your voice, when you wish the snowdrops back,
Though it stay in my soul for ever

Yet I will but say what people say,
Or only a thought stronger;
I will hold your hand but as long as all may,
Or so very little longer

It's better to love and lost
then to marry and be forever bossed :D

Im old

2007-12-01T14:48:00.000+08:00

was having an interclass soccer yesterday
yeah, finally i could touch the soccer ball again
but then, i still was not at the pink of health
without any practices and all, we managed to get everything
i meant a win, a draw and a loss, haha
i nearly died after the first match
i was panting exactly like coral after she was knocked by a car
i was feeling lightheaded, giddy
i felt like vomitting, and i coughed like crazy
luckily my body managed to withstand the instant amount of exercise
i swear i thought my heart was gonna stop. XD
and now my body is aching like mad
from head to toe,ouch ouch

i had enough of your nonsense
stop thinking that you are still so important to me
i don't really need to follow your lifestyle
and don't you think i need your help in everything
so stop touching my things
don't act as though that you're the best
cause mayb other people feels so
but i don't give a damn about you, so you can jolly well fuc* off

to someone who send me that mail
yar, i know you have your reasons and all
and i agree with it mostly
but somehow or someway
there is some other things that is really affecting my trust
actually i don't wanna go into details about everything
it's quite stupid to do so
just wanna say i hope you are happy with your decision.
and ya, im still here always..

till that day

2007-11-29T04:38:00.000+08:00

as i got up from bed this morning
a severe migraine came knocking on the door
to ruin the start of a new day
only one thought that came to my mind
which to go back where i came from
subconsciously my hands just wandered under the pillow
in search of my only source of hope
while my mind received uncountable number of thoughts
so close, yet it's that far
i felt really dead at that moment
totally opposite when i was with you..

till that day.....

i finally break down

2007-11-26T23:27:00.000+08:00

i endure all my feelings inside
no matter what, or i wanted to do was to keep everyone happy
but nothing got better, so in the end i finally break down
tears just start rolling down, i was too tired to continue
luckily, there was just that glimmer of support that kept me going
keep me going on with my life
i really do not care about everything already, it's none of my business
so just f*** off and don't bug me ever

enchanted, brilliant show
so sweet and romantic
full of hilarious parts too
really enjoyed the show =)
iwantmytruelovekisstoo(:

another visit to the docs

2007-11-20T00:50:00.000+08:00

yeah, its another day of resting at home
was feeling terrible when i woke up this morning
so i decided to give school a skip
went to see the doctor again
stayed at home the entire day
but i'm feeling much more worse
my throats hurts :(

I wrote your name in the sky,
but the wind blew it away.
I wrote your name in the sand,
but the waves washed it away.
I wrote your name in my heart,
and forever it will stay.

Green is the colour

2007-11-19T01:33:00.000+08:00

i've fallen sick again
must be the sudden exercises that cause this
fortunately, i did not screw up the psalm
was so tired, came back home and i just dropped dead on the bed
my throat is burning, my nose is leaking
went to jog at night in the cold air
it is already 2am and i'm not feeling tired

left out of everything
saw something hurting to my heart
even though there is nothing much to it
trapped with school and health
my only source of support is no where to be seen
i just have to endure this
i guess i am alone for now...

st cecilia's day

2007-11-18T02:52:00.000+08:00

oh its a day of fun singing and all
(lets not talk about any unhappy things)
went to the church of st francis xavier to have a performance
even though we screw up, we really enjoyed ourselves
then after that went shopping with melvyn, sharlyn, sabrina and grace
came back and play mahjong with grace and melvyn
after that, alan came to join in
won $21 for the first game, and manage to float, winning $2 in the second game

i wasn't there at that moment
oh well, life's like that
i'm sorry

this is how it is like

2007-11-15T13:37:00.000+08:00

not hearing a single word from you makes me feel really uneasy the whole day
dont mind going an extra mile just to see that smile of yours
but then, hearing everyone sing really give me the creeps
and yeah, including myself
walking on a road, quiet and dark
not emo-ing however, just thinking of the stack of work that is waiting for me
and after that, not being able to do anything, i'm so useless

i guess that sums up my day yesterday (:

First

2007-11-13T00:17:00.000+08:00

finally watched The Game Plan
really awesome show, something that doesn't require much thinking (:
not forgetting the company that i had for the show
really makes my yesterday afternoon wonderful
but back to reality, i'm so dead
the work that must be done

ouch, my head is pounding..

Forgive yourself, forgive her and put away all your dreams and mementos

2007-11-11T07:33:00.000+08:00

You've taken every tiny good moment you remember
forgotten all the unpleasant ones
and created a gorgeous fantasy for yourself that no real man can live up to

Forgive yourself
forgive her
and put away all your dreams and mementos

refreshed after...

2007-11-08T11:52:00.000+08:00

yesterday was just so tiring
went to school without sleeping the entire night
so i was practically half dead
at the end i skipped the field trip to NEWater
as i really wanted to go home to sleep
but steven called, and asked me to meet him
i met up with him to haven lunch with him,
after that to wilfred house cuz he needed to charge his phone
and we actually played basketball
im like so so rusty already, not to say having not sleep
after that went home to change before meeting up with steven and travun
but ended up sleeping from 8pm to 10am
i guess i caught back those sleep that i miss =P

there was once someone who told me
"you cant be perfect no matter what you do, or how much effort you put in"
i'm really giving up trying to help so much already, no point, no one listens to me
at the end, it turn out as though i am one of those hypocrites
i really had enough of it..

...

2007-11-07T06:56:00.001+08:00

i'm just lost for words
five words to describe me now
i am breaking down soon

its all gone, goodbye

2007-11-05T02:36:00.001+08:00

somehow, i have this funny feeling that something bad is going
to happen on the feast of st cecilia day
many people have changed, and i almost did not know it
they have changed into someone so ugly till they become so unrecognisable
every little steps and actions that they do now
i really dont know whether i should believe it or not
where is all of those people that i remembered when i was young
always laughing and having fun
perhaps this maybe their true colour
i am really not sure about it
however till then, goodbye to the people i thought i once knew
and welcomed to the real world

i'm really confused, i really dont know what i want
i yearn for that feeling that i once had to come back again
yeah, i still have those memories that are in my brain now
which i am trying my best to forget about it
that is the only way if i really want to start a new one
yah, but am i that lucky to find one
that could really make me forget about everything
its going on for one year already, and this still goes on
hopefully that there will be an end to it

my life

2007-11-02T07:26:00.000+08:00

thnx to the persistent pressure from others, i decided to blog again
nothing much i can say for this past few days
my life only revolves round quite a few things

having to go to school
having choir practices
going out with grace, victoria, sharlyn and sabrina
only having a few hours of sleep
playing my newly installed football manager (:

yep, my life consists only of this few things
tiring cuz of the lack of sleep
but having quite a lot of fun

all saints day was yesterday
yeah had to go to church, but late cuz of school
met up with vivi
cuz she had training before that
then i had to sing the gospel accla immediately when i reach the choir loft
without any warm up all what
certainly it sounded awful
but who cares? (: no one actually rmb that im the one that sing

yah, and now i terribly need some rest
cuz its 7.40am in the morning and i havent sleep yet
and today psychology class starts at 11am
i'm so dead
*faint at the size of my eye bags

sigh sigh sigh..

2007-10-28T03:28:00.000+08:00

yeah yeah, whatever you say
no point for us to argue over it
it is really dumb, cause whatever is the case, we both have our reasons to believe
so either there is no way that either one of us can accept it
im just sad that it turn out this way
i cant help it if you wanna think of it this way
so it just ends here, blogging to argue over this is really dumb
bye~ hope you have a better life without me around
and im sure you will have

i really wondered

2007-10-26T01:43:00.000+08:00

to a person that was once even my friend
yeah, just saw you working today when i was catching a movie with sheryl and victoria
somehow or what, i just did not want to face you, yeah
and the reason is not that i am guilty for whatever that happened
but the fact that i'm extremely disappointed on how much you have changed
perhaps, you just did not want to be around with both my bro and i
you were not happy, if so then why did you continue until now?
start complaining and swearing over it
yes, you took leave of from your work specially just to meet us to go out
yes, you came down immediately when we felt down
yes, we went through alot of shit together this year
and what? you wanted some appreciation from us?
this is becoming the joke of the century
as for that day when you took leave to go out with us
i really had work on that day, you can go ask both my friends that are also working there
but in the end i did not go because i overslept, and after that i really had a class bbq
but then all of my friends decided not to go cause not many wasn't going
and it was such a last minute decision
and you said i laugh about it for not telling you about that?
and that we were not there for you when you're feeling down?
you yourself did not tell us that you are not feeling right
you just tell us that, "oh you all want to go out?"
i don't remember something regarding that you are feeling down
and i told you, you could just ask my brother out even if i am not free
but fuck it, your ego is just too big to ask him
its not me that always so indecisive on going out
its him, and please just don't group both of us together cause that happen to you
cause that really piss me off, piss me off for something that i did not do
oh ya, and appreciation? you want some appreciation for what you do?
how old are you? u think this is some primary school work that after you finished it, your teacher will come by and say: "very good job! i really APPRECIATE what you done for me."
if you really expect appreciation for everything that you have done,
please just go own a dog, at least when you give it food, it will listen to you
or mayb you be some super hero of what, then start saving people
ya, then mayb the whole world will show appreciation to you
if that what you want SO FUCKING MUCH
and then if you are not those types that can take jokes
such as teasing you to drink booze when you're fasting
or complaining about some other things, then just say so
stop giving me that false face of yours and start to complain elsewhere
ya ya, you're not the person that we knew anymore
oh just have to tell you something if you forget
too many things happen to me in this year
i've been through the rough patch equally as bad as you
or mayb worse off then you
i'm much more not the person that i was once used to be
so don't fucking give me your petty attitude over things
seriously, the more i think about it, your complains sounded like you are my girlfriend
i don't have this kind of stupid things from my other guy friends
oh my fucking gosh!
i din't really want to write this post, it seriously childish and stupid to complain over such a thing
so it is up to you to think
i don't give a damn
having you as a friend or not doesn't really make a difference in my life
i seriously think you just need a girl in your life
give you all the love and time you need
so mayb you would not complain about the slightest thing ever
yeah, i've been too tolerant already
so you can just f*** off from my life
and i think after this decision, im finally seeing a change in my life
change of a better life
without my so called "girlfriend"

start of school!

2007-10-21T23:14:00.000+08:00

yeah, school will start tomorrow
so it means the start of more projects and work to pass up
and the first day back, its going to be until 6pm, how nice
feeling so so tired today after a really crazy drinking spree for the last two days
not enough of sleep, and the lack of enjoyment from this holiday
thats making me feel so fed up that school is starting again
however, other then that, i really wanted school to start
it beats working my ass off on a stupid full-shift schedule

im slowly getting back my life back after stopping work
going to plan all the movie outings
all the partying and all the shopping that really needed
i must prove to myself that without having a partner, it will also be as meaningful

whats the use of having a relationship
when most of the time you find yourself quarrelling with the other party
its either one party that have to always give in to the other
or else no matter what, the relationship will not work out
but giving in doesn't mean that you have to change yourself
or else that won't be the real you that is in it
its better to close one eye over then to be over sensitive over some things
saving one's face in a relationship will only lead to petty quarrels that really unnecessary
to really love a person, it really means that the person is even more important to you
then to yourself
you don't mind letting him/her go, just to know that he/she is happier that way
even to the expense of seeing that person in another relationship
cause when you see the smile on that person's face, you would feel that everything that you've done is really worthwhile..

so much for all the noble words, it is certainly easier said then done
how many people in this world can actually do this and really feel so happy about it
yeah, i failed badly in trying to do this
although i felt quite happy in doing so
i still feel the hurt and regret in doing this
but i prefer to just endure, this is what really makes my life feels much more meaningful

falling sick again

2007-10-20T05:25:00.000+08:00

finally a proper day out without having going to work
firstly, had some crap pre-semester briefing in school
was like finally back in school after like around 2months?
anyway, was suppose to have some kbox thing with my poly friends
ended up the plan did not really work out so well
i did not follow them to orchard to shop, noooo!
instead, i met up with travun and went to play pool with him
his luck is still there, cant help it =P
after that went to say kok house to have our 2e1 class bbq
i stayed there for only 15mins before having to rush back home for choir practice
yes, additional training is really needed for this batch of teenagers
being with them really make me feel so old, i can't stand it
after practice, we went to bedok to have something to eat
more like my dinner which i haven't eat yet
then, i went back to say kok house and the 2e1 guys had a game of truth or dare
i guess my luck is really that good, cause i did not even get forfeit once!
came back home at around 4.30am feeling so terrible
i think im going to fall sick sooner of later
can just feel it coming (sounds wrong =P)
i really need to get some sleep, still have to work one more time before school starts
for only 3hours, but is at 12pm.. sianzzZZ
good nights everyone! sweeeeet dreams~

back to normal life

2007-10-19T04:11:00.000+08:00

yes, i guess this is the end of my busy schedules of work
my school gonna start next week, and there is a briefing in school tomorrow
i got into psychology i guess
if i'm not wrong, like that daphnie is able to help me with it! (:
anyway, i will still continue my work,
however like during the weekends or weekdays that i am free.
yes yes, finally i will be having a packed weekend
hope it turn out well yeah.
and i guess i will be officially rejoining back the choir
however, my voice really cannot make it
anyway, my stupid wound at my leg still hurts
damn it, why does it take so long to heal, irritating

a day of rest

2007-10-17T03:43:00.000+08:00

din't went to work today
was supposed to though
but stayed at home to rest, cause my whole body is like aching
so the whole day was spent sleeping
after that, went for choir practice at night
it has been like so so long since i went for choir practice
anyway, it is going to be christmas soon, and also i enjoy singing
so like yup, i'm back
and school gonna start, yeah yeah
i am going to get back my normal life, haha
at least with more money to spend xD hehe
i guess two more days of work before it is going to start
so i am so gonna enjoy it. (:
tiring though, but i really felt that my time spent was worthwhile
33 onigashimas!

im back!

2007-10-15T01:23:00.000+08:00

haha, finally manage to settle the problem with my stupid blog
and that problem is really dumb, dont wanna mention it :P
anyway, all this while its all working
and really tedious tedious working
working the full shift for around one week plus, now really know the stress in working
since starting out this year, i've really changed
i'm not the philip that you used to see, always happy go lucky and all
i guess this change will be for the better
certainly studying is much better then working
fortunately, my colleagues are very nice people, easy to get along
except maybe for one =x
yea i have been working so much, i think i have overworked
yeah, breaking the ocha cups there
not only need to pay money, but also the broken pieces cut my leg
so so deep, haha damn suay..
now i really wish to find a aim, or something that i wanna do
or else life is beginning to become meaningless
ARGH! I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT! [T.T]

eh sheryl tong, not fair la. like that also can get your psp
don't get addicted to medal of honors =P

congratulations

2007-10-05T03:47:00.000+08:00

for those who manage to see this post
congratulations! =x
after one night of making a new blogskin, it turns out that the page cannot be seen using internet explorer
really ohmygosh, now i have to redo one more whole blogskin again
but that will take quite long i guess
really feeling so tired after doing this one
was quite satisfied with this blogskin, actually very satisfied
but then.. haiz

just came back from my class chalet
dont really know whether to say it fun or not
but certainly this chalet is very unhealthy
having junk or fast food for every meal
and drinking through the night
and obviously not sleeping
i am getting old
sick and tired of everything
:(

my best friend

2007-09-27T07:12:00.000+08:00

i guess i lost my life
i started to learn how to talk to myself
that is how sad my life is
i needed to talk to someone so badly
till i talked non-stop when fetching my brother to the bus-stop early in the morning
dinner at 3am, i am retarded
my new best friend?
me

hat-trick hero

2007-09-26T15:40:00.000+08:00

nothing much to say for this few days
everything as been the same
sleeping at around 8am, waking up at 3.30pm
start work at 6pm and reaching home by 12am
then have my own free time till 8am
and the routine continues...
so practically everything is the same
quite boring, however i must get used to it
i guess i will be changing to afternoon shift soon
even though night shift may have a few more hours to work
but the closing time is really a nuisance
clearing up the mess; washing the bottles and cups
or even stocktaking, that is like so boring

but something was different this early morning
liverpool began to win again, guess because i watched them played ^^
against Reading in the carling cup
Liverpool 4-2 Reading
torres got his first hat-trick for Liverpool
they have been drawing in all the premier league matches
because benitez did not start with him
zzZZZ

i'm going to prepare for work now
sayonara~

bro bdae, start of job and ...

2007-09-24T05:54:00.000+08:00

i can see the dust collecting in here
it has been quite long since my last post
guess i was quite busy with the things that had to be done
not to mention, i'm feeling damn tired

oh, sept 19 and 20, was celebrating my bro birthday
first was at giraffe bar, opposite plaza sing there
only a handful of us turn up to give him a surprise
boy was he surprised
we sang the birthday song for him while he was coming out
he thought that its was some other person birthday, haha
then we celebrated his birthday at cafe delma on the actual day, 20 sept
it was at sentosa and we had to like travel so far zzzZzz
there was a private jacuzzi there, so i was like having fun playing with water with gladys
but then, some other people sure love to spoil my mood over there
it was sure annoying

then on saturday, started work for the first time
i wasn't sure why i chose to start in the afternoon alone
where i could come together with ming and devon at night
i look like a frigging noob there not knowing what to do
end up i worked at the pantry, making all the drinks
yeah, it was fun but sure tiring
not only there but i had to also serve the drinks when the pantry did not have enough people
and i was expected to know what to do for many things
the business during the dinner time was so hectic
the orders just keep coming and coming, din't even give me time to clean up the mess
and my back was aching super super badly
i guess its because i was standing up for like the whole day
not even given the time to rest for awhile
i guess this is what you call cheap labour
and what an idiot i am, wore ankle, or actually lower then ankle socks with my black shoes
ouch, my skin just scraped off so easily and when i finally noticed it, the wound was like covered with all my skins and blood. damn yucky
back ache, leg pain and tired, slept the entire whole day on sunday

this few days, i was pretty occupied with another anime; kenichi
its pretty nice, able to match up with bleach action pact part, and also hilarious too
finished watching 48 episodes in four days, pretty good for my hectic schedule
and also just watched the latest episodes of claymore and bleach
inoue's words in that episode really touched my heart

i wished that i could live five times
that way, i could be born in five different cities
and enjoy the food five different times
and have five different jobs
also, i could... fall in love with the same person five times

the lonely side of me

2007-09-17T04:04:00.000+08:00

everyone is going overseas

just now send my dearest mother to the airport

she is going to france for 2weeks, yeah and i thought i will finally have more freedom

however, boy i was wrong

not even lasted till one day and i started to miss her

most of the time when i was feeling down, she was there for me

haiz.. not even her but my friends are also travelling

yeah, they going have some fun while i am in boring old singapore =(

i always hate going to your blog

cause by doing that, it will only make me feel more guilty

i guess only my brother knows why i felt like that

maybe we could be back together again, but who am i trying to kid

you also know why we shouldn't do that

the more guilty i feel, the more i try my best not to get back together

lest hurting you once more again

i don't believe that i help you

jogging in the rain is really fun (:

omg, its been so long since i jog, i'm so dead now

physically worn out, mentally drained

but i just can't get back to sleep

alice alice, i really want to meet you soon

for me, lala land is so near yet so far

the job is my life now

2007-09-15T03:07:00.000+08:00

after a few tiring days out, i finally get a job

waiter? i hope i can do it, waraku at marina
with so many things to remember in the menu
oh gosh, what am i suppose to do
here is something how the restaurant look like

yeps that will be my new life, earn my own stupid money
keeps me distracted from other things

my hip is really hurting
not really sure why, but while walking today, it felt like something came loose
and now it is hurting very badly
whenever i apply the pressure on my right leg, my tears almost flow out of my eyes
ouch ouch

i am dumb, my father tries to communicate with me
even though in a weird way
but what did i do? i just brush him aside and treats his words are like nothing
i guess i am too used to his blabbering and all
i guess that the problem between the both of us
the lack of communication
another thing that i need to seriously work on

i've just read danial's blog
it really makes me start thinking about alot of things
especially the phrase: "If i were to die tonight"
what if that really happens to me
will those that are close to me really grieve over it?
will those that i thought of really remember me
those that i want
have i ever make any impact in anyone life
i really ain't sure about it
ok, i'm not saying that i am going to commit suicide now
but yeah, accidents may happen anytime
many people do not know how to cherish what they have till it is gone
so i guess before that really happens, i should live life to the fullest
make everyday as if it is the last day of my life
make this humble life of mine really worthwhile
how nice to get a smile from everyone everytime you see them
it really does works miracles, certainly brightens up my day!
i guess it's another thing that i also have to work on

many people told me it is impossible
or maybe it is stupid to try to do it
but that was the time when i really felt it
like i was in heaven
the feeling is great, not many people gets the chance to experience
while i threw it away so easily
that's why i am regretting it now

a new life, a new beginning

2007-09-13T01:33:00.000+08:00

recently, someone ask me "what's your purpose in life"
without a purpose, life is really meaningless
then what is the use of having this life
in this year, i've experience ups and downs situation
and i will go on complaining about it
i finally realised, instead of complaining about it, why not i don't dwell on it
why not i do something better, and make my life have more meaning in it
i have my life in my own hands, one and only
make it a special and fulfilling one

many people had high hopes on me
but why do i keep letting them down
i guess it's time for me to think of my own life
studies and health, no other then that
by pursuing all those short term happiness, i guess that the reason behind my meaningless life
hopefully it's not too late by now
i have one box in my hand now, and i assure myself it is the last one
this is first thing i have to start doing to gain back my own trust
the trust in myself

it begins right now...

its better this way

2007-09-10T06:19:00.000+08:00

it's over
but i guess it's better this way
there is surely something for you to work towards it
just be patient and wait
your time will come really soon
remember what you promise me

start of something new

2007-09-09T04:51:00.000+08:00

The day i died while swimming, but was resurrected, certainly not better then before xD

oh, i was invited over to have a swim, not knowing the danger that was for me:D

i was barely breathing but they insisted me to take a photo

i struggled till i fainted, body floating at the water surface but they were still busy taking photos

i finally drowned completely but those evil people just ignored me.

i heard that there was food upstairs and was immediately resurrected, rejuvenated too.

i was infected by their contagious disease and start to camwhore together.

even though my spirit feels refreshed, my body was getting old.

finally, i was back to my original state, happy and lively =)

friday was a really slacking day for me
suppose to go for a job hunt early in the morning, but ended up that he camped at my place
cause my dearest mummy wants me to work for her
maybe there were other reasons why she wanted me to work with her
after that went over to sheryl's place
we swam in the evening, actually more like playing with water
then after dinner, we were suppose to have a dvd marathon
but i had to rush over to shirley's house first to get the moon cakes. (thanks ^^)
slack with blood-ther (brother) for before returning back
then we started the marathon
i guess the swim took out most of the life in us
we were so tired, and only watch two dvds
'my wife is a gangster 3' and '300' (again) (:
i also enjoyed my time using the massage, hehe
then we went to the pool side and play some cards till around 6
was suppose to have breakfast with them but by then i was already K.O

slept at 7am and woke up at 10am to meet them
sharlene, viven, merlyn and dominic
we went over to dom's place
there was a few games of pool, watching of high school musical 2, rewatching of hsm2 (thanks to someone who came late and insisted to watch. must be zac efron :D) and monopoly
all of you don't have to feel sad, i know that you all lost badly to me in monopoly (:

after that i rushed back home with danial and accompany my bro
we went to bark's cafe with my eldest sis to have a drink
guess i just wanted to drink or else i would be so lazy to take a trip down there (which is super near our house)
poor vanessa anne hudgens, her bright future just vanished at a blink of an eye

finally things are looking a little brighter for me
i must emphasize, just a little
finally we make up with each other, i felt that heavy burden of mine that started out my bad year lighten a little for me

i had just make my life a little harder
i know what i am doing
i really hope nothing bad will turn out from it
sorry, if that happens

another story added

2007-09-07T04:00:00.000+08:00

i have been repeating this over and over again
what a 'great' year i am having
recently another new batch of problems came up
thanks to my beloved cousin
he finally get caught by his parents
i warned him how many times about this and he just don't want to listen to me
now great, the parents put the entire blame on me
hello?? wake up.. your son is not that angelic anymore
why must be someone who influence your son and not he learnt it by himself
or more likely, i learnt from him

i am just expecting more troubles after what had happened
probably i will be left with nothing then
maybe after that you will be glad to cause this that happen right?
cause time and time i warn you what is going to happen and you just won't listen

why am i blaming others when me myself knew that this thing was going to happen sooner or later, and i actually continue let it happen
never never get too close with your cousin
especially he/she is the only child
you get the blame for anything that happens..

dumb dumb.. yeps that is my new name.

one more unlucky day

2007-08-31T21:33:00.000+08:00

i guess it's one more unlucky day added to my "great" year 2007
i knew i was going to have a long day outside, but i did not manage to catch a wink for the whole night. probably because i slept the entire afternoon yesterday.
but really, i wasn't feeling tired at all last night.

went back to changkat to celebrate teachers' day
okay, it was not what i expected to be, however it was still fun
glad that i could meet up with my ex-classmates.

but oh boy, it just wasn't my day
first, i was suppose to accompany steven and the rest, it was steven's birthday
they decided to catch a movie, but i didn't really want.
i knew that if i were to watch it, i will just ended up having the movie watching me

next, i went to parkway with travun to have a few games of pool
we were at macs having our lunch, i realised that my $50 had mysteriously went missing
somehow or someway, it just vanished.
i guessed due to my careless it might have dropped off when i was paying for something.
and i didn't even realised it, till i wanted to give the money to travun for him to buy my food.
maybe it is just my smelly mouth

never mind, it's okay, could not spoil other person day because of this
then we continue with our pool game
after a few rounds of playing, we realised that the brown ball went missing
both of us were like 'what the fuck'
how can suddenly for no good reason go missing
we check all the holes to see whether it is stuck but to no avail
and we have to pay 30 bucks just for that single ball
both of us really had nothing to say
i guess my bad luck really is contagious

we went to lan just to get our minds off this shit
played a few games of dota together with some gay shit combo
and then we were like playing one stupid game
racing racing one
i am such a sore loser.. haha!
but he have to thank me for that!
somehow or someway, we played for 2hours+
and when we just left the place, travun met up with his friend working for the pool place
then told him about the loss of ball (sounds wrong)
then he told us that that table was like some cheating table where it makes the ball 'vanished'! i guess you know what i mean.
then he help us claim back the money, such a nice guy!

last one, i went down at kembangan mrt station to get a drink at cheers as my throat wasn't feeling very good, and somehow i could not open the cap.
its not that i'm weak or what, but it is really stuck
had to like squeeze the bottle in order to drink
how pathetic can that be

i guess this year really isn't such a good year for me
i hope that it will not be worse
i really hope....

lost

2007-08-30T22:05:00.000+08:00

what done is undone
no use thinking or regretting about it
actually i never regret what i did
but it is just a mistake too far
lets just solve it together

my needs

2007-08-29T09:11:00.000+08:00

money money money, everyone is frustrated mostly because of money
i so have to find a job soon after my exams are over
but what i really need now is my beautiful sleep
rest; sleep
what i really love to do
but somehow i can't find time to do it
for the past few days, around 7 days, i only caught some rest equivalent to 2days of sleep
so it is around 8 freaking hours
no wonder my eyebags can never be gone

the last struggle

2007-08-28T19:15:00.000+08:00

today computing math paper was average, oh okay not that difficult
guess it from the start already
tomorrow will be the final paper for me
ain't i suppose to be happy that it is the final paper?
i guess i also realise that there is not much hope for me in this paper
will be dead even before i can enjoy my holidays
oh well, life is unfair

the new beginning

2007-08-28T08:08:00.000+08:00

feeling so fucked up now, my mind is being pestered by evil spirits
i'm going to have my computing math exam later on
guess it is not much of a problem for me
i guess the shit going to start tomorrow

i'm always there for you now, i promise

the mighty four

2007-08-26T17:12:00.000+08:00

we went over opposite to have our lunch
then one came saying mummy mummy! i'm coming with you
so that we can camwhore
okay sweetie anytime replied the other one
then the third one called for the last one
remember to ask your mum to let you come
this cruise is so fun together
and we can camwhore altogether

finally done with our lunch
both of them smiled and said thank you auntie ah!
however deep down inside
they have already forgotten much about it

phew i guess they also went to the restroom
so it's not totally for me only
i waited and waited
and 15mins was over that "fast"
and guess what they were doing all the while
it was camwhoring in the toilet
wow i guess there must be something nice in there
leaving poor mum outside waiting in the sun

click! click!
smile smile..
just f*** off will you
such "considerate" people we have there

boys night out

2007-08-26T04:51:00.000+08:00

woohoo done with a new blogskins, obviously this one looks much better then the previous one.
but damn it, took me the whole saturday night to do it.
i still need to wake up for tomorrow church, i'm so dead.haha

yesterday night, went out at around 11plus there
went out with danial, my brother and two of his army friends
went to balcony to drink
i had 3 bottles of heineken and red bull mix with something.
after that we went to 7 11 and i got myself a long island tea
woo drink till gong gong..
wahaha

soccer match
liverpool 2 - 0 sunderland
and liverpool play like crap, and they could win
what more can you say about sunderland.. =/

new blogskin on claymore..urghhh

2007-08-24T08:43:00.000+08:00

urghh.. look at that blogskin, was just having fun with it (:
look really sucky now, damn.. at least there is more space for my tagboard. haha
anyway, the pictures came from the anime claymore that i recently watched.
woohoo exciting and action pact anime, however a little dull in colour.
and also quite a lot of death to be seen.
my theresa T.T
so far only 21 episodes are out and i watched the whole of that 21 yesterday.
really can't stop watching. hahx.

yeps those are crabs. was really bored (:
was accompanying SOMEONE (xD) to shop for groceries on sunday
and she had to make dinner for her family
really hope they do not get food poisoning =P
p.s: fortunately she was only making sandwiches

this was also taken on sunday when i accompany my baby to study
i guess this picture make it easier to guess who is the one making those sandwiches xD
oh, and look at those eyebags of mine

we went to raffles place to walk, was suppose to send her to work,
but she ended up not going
just by the influence of me make her decided to do that xD
*grins*

taken at suntec city, nice lights ^.^

first 3 liverpool goals

2007-08-22T01:04:00.000+08:00

here is the first three goals liverpool score this season (:

disappointment..

2007-08-21T16:48:00.000+08:00

i don't care that anyone doubt me
but not even you
when i am serious about it
i never once say something i don't mean it

i will wait for you to believe
till then..
i really doubt that will come
i guess i am also one of those unfaithful people in you eyes

my world, my life
never will anyone understand it
not even you i guess
just let me disappear from this world

heavenly in laws =P

2007-08-21T03:03:00.000+08:00

just finished watching another hong kong drama serial with my mum, was watching with her for around 5 episodes. sadly it is only 20 episodes, cause the show was quite touching.

really like the part involving the love story of the two main lead.
it is about a fairy (Linda Chung) coming from heaven (-.-") down to the earth to find true love, and met that guy (Joey Leung). might as well meet me =D
however, i advise those who want to watch the show, do not watch the first few episodes, a little bit too dramatic and childish.
this show reminds me of the story of the cowherd and the weaving maid.

here is some pictures of the show.. (:

this is the cover of the show, i know the actor and actress doesn't look quite appealing.

believe me?

2007-08-20T19:34:00.000+08:00

if u don't even believe me, how am i suppose to believe myself?
we can't go on like that always.

parents are not meant to vent your anger on
you will just invite more trouble for yourself
thats why i am here.